What I found was a crazy, delusional rant by a narrow-minded, bigoted woman. It was so unbelievable and infuriating that I felt compelled to respond to it. (Click here if you haven't read it. Brace yourself.)
Ms. Coulter,
Let me start by giving a disclaimer. I am a Republican and was raised in a Republican household. I identify with many Republican values. I am also Christian and have lived in Arkansas (part of the Bible Belt and a "red" state) my entire life. The 2012 presidential election was my first opportunity to vote and I was extremely excited to vote for Romney. My parents and I discuss our displeasure with Obama all the time. While I am not as extreme as you, I definitely lean more right than left.
Also, by no means am I a huge soccer fan. I will watch it this month, but I probably won't watch much between the end of this World Cup and the start of the next one. I am a much bigger baseball, basketball and football fan, but I enjoy a good soccer game every now and then.
Now on to your article. First of all, in your first sentence you make a reference to how long soccer games last. You obviously know nothing about sports. Soccer matches have two 45-minute halves sandwiched around a 15-minute halftime. I'll do the math for you - that's 105 minutes, or one hour and 45 minutes. That might stretch to a full two hours once you factor in the stoppage time.
The great thing about soccer is that there are no commercial breaks. I am a HUGE football fan (I even played football in high school), but the games take forever. I can't tell you how many times I watch a game and this sequence happens: touchdown, commercial, extra point, commercial, kickoff, commercial. About 20 seconds of game time turns into 20 minutes. Guess how long 20 seconds takes in soccer. Twenty seconds! That's how long 20 seconds takes! So when I say soccer games last two hours, that means a game that starts at 6 p.m. will end at 8 p.m. Football and baseball games, on the other hand, last an average of three hours and routinely hit the four-hour mark.
Your article also nicely lays out your nine arguments against soccer. I'll respond to each one.
(1) To say there are "no heroes" or "individual achievement" in soccer is absurd. If you paid attention to the World Cup, you would know names like Messi, Ronaldo and Neymar. You should at least know Clint Dempsey, who has garnered plenty of praise for his play for the United States.
As for Messi, Ronaldo and Neymar? All Messi has done is score four goals in three games. Neymar also had four goals in his first three games. And in the fourth game? He made the game-winning penalty kick. Ronaldo had only one goal (a game-winning goal), but he also had an assist that broke millions of American hearts. So if "individual achievement is not a big factor," how do I, and millions of other people around the world, know these individual names?
(You should look up the "FIFA Ballon d'Or." That is soccer's MVP award and it's given to the best player in the WORLD, opposed to the MVP awards in the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL, which are given to the best player in largely American leagues.)
(2) You're right when you say that sports shouldn't
be co-ed. At the professional level, it is very difficult for women and men to
compete against each other.
However, what you're arguing is that because girls
and boys can play soccer together in kindergarten, it's not a real sport. By
that reasoning, baseball, basketball and football aren't real sports either.
When I played tee-ball, there was a girl on my team
and she was probably the best athlete on the field. I also played with girls in
basketball when I was that age. When my little brother played pee wee football,
the best player on his team was a girl that ran all over the boys. That can
happen at a young age. It's not uncommon.
(3) I cannot argue the fact that there are more
scoreless ties in soccer than any other sport. Your comparison to football is
not a very good one, though.
You say that scoring in football is much harder
than in soccer because "a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to
crush you." What you fail to mention is that you also have "a
half-dozen 300-pound bruisers" on the field with the sole duty of
protecting you. Because of that, quarterbacks are able to pick apart defenses
and score points in bunches.
If you watched the Denver Broncos and Peyton
Manning last season, you would know how easy it is to score in football these
days.
(4) Yes, soccer is not as violent as football, but
soccer also doesn't have multi-million dollar lawsuits against it.
Is it just a bunch of people running around singing
Kumbaya? Absolutely not. Example A (around
the 30-second mark). Example B.
(Don't watch if you have a weak stomach.)
I'd say soccer has just as much risk as baseball.
(5) "You can't use your hands in soccer."
Duh. That's why soccer is entertaining. What these players are able to do
without hands is incredible. They display amazing acts of athleticism without
using what many of us take for granted. And isn't that what draws us to sports?
Seeing people do things that the average person can't?
(6) No one is holding a gun to your head and
forcing you to watch soccer. I assume you know how a remote control works -
change the channel. No one has forced me to watch HBO's "Girls" (in
fact, I've never even heard of it).
The reason The New York Times writes
articles about it is because it's news. As a journalism major at the University
of Arkansas, I learned what makes something newsworthy. Among the newsworthy
characteristics is timeliness and with the World Cup (the most popular
worldwide sporting event) going on, it is timely. It is also news because it is
happening, whether you like it or not (I'll talk more about that later).
(7) The fact that soccer is foreign should make you
want the U.S. to be successful even more. If Team USA wins the gold medal in
basketball at the Olympics, who cares? It was expected. Anything less than a
gold medal would be considered a failure.
At the World Cup, however, if the U.S. wins, it is
beating a country at their own game. Ghana has to live with the fact that it
lost to a country that is relatively new on the soccer scene. Portugal, a world
powerhouse, needed a prayer to tie the U.S. and didn't advance to the next
round. Can you imagine how those fans feel?
Remember how good it felt to beat the U.S.S.R. in
hockey back in 1980? It felt good because, well we beat the communists, but
also because it wasn't supposed to happen. We beat them at their own game.
(8) People "adore" the metric system
because it is easier than our system. Sure, we understand 12 inches = 1 foot
and 3 feet = 1 yard, but that's because we have grown up around it. Can you
tell me, off the top of your head, how many feet are in a mile? How about how
many yards are in a mile?
While I will tell someone the temperature in
Fahrenheit, it is much easier to remember that water's freezing point is 0
degrees Celsius and its boiling point is 100 degrees Celsius. I am not starting
a petition to switch to the metric system, but to say it isn't easy is silly.
Or you're just dumb.
I also want to poke a hole in your theory that
"an
inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the
length of his belt" and that is "easy to visualize." What would
you say to a man like me that has small feet? The length of my foot is not 12
inches. I also have a very small waist and small hands. What about Shaquille
O'Neal? His feet are much longer than 12 inches. The things you mention
are relative.
How
do I visualize 147.2 centimeters? Easy. I visualize it as 1.472 meters (notice
how the decimal moved and the numbers stayed the same? Crazy huh?!).
(I
would also like to note that at the same time the French were "committing
mass murder by guillotine," we had millions of African-Americans enslaved.
Which one would you be more proud of? Another note: Our system developed from
the British imperial system, which we had before we declared our independence.
Instead of coming up with our own system, we copied the country that was taxing
us without representation. Again, are you proud of that?)
(9)
Just because a World Cup match does not have the same ratings as a football
game, that does not mean soccer isn't gaining popularity. The way you judge
whether or not something is growing in popularity, or "catching on,"
is by comparing ratings in the past to current ratings in the SAME sport.
Football
is an established sport in the United States and is unquestionably the most
popular sport in the country. No one is saying that soccer is more popular,
which your argument seems to claim.
The
headlines you are referring to are saying exactly what's happening. Thousands
of people across the country are going to public viewing parties in Kansas
City, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and other major cities. Any time there are
large gatherings like that, it will draw headlines. That's how the news works.
Finally,
you end your complaint with a shocking claim: "I promise you: No American
whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer." FALSE! All four
of my great-grandfathers were born in the U.S. and I have been watching soccer
since the World Cup started. Not only that, but both of my grandfathers served
in the military for this country. My father's father served in the Navy and
worked on submarines during the Cold War, while my mother's father served in
the Air Force and was shot down in Vietnam.
I
am as American as they come, but here I am watching soccer. You better get used
to it.
My
final plea to you is this: Stick to politics and stay out of sports. One of the
many reasons I love sports is because it doesn't matter what your political
views or affiliations are. If you love the Dallas Cowboys, you get along with
other Dallas Cowboys fans. If you love baseball, you can carry on a
conversation about whether Barry Bonds and Rogers Clemens should be allowed in
the Hall of Fame or not.
So
please, for me and the rest of America, shut up.
Sincerely,
Andrew
Hutchinson
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